child defiant at school

When told they will sometimes do what is asked but 5min later they are in the back of the room doing the same things again. These general guidelines will help you and the child navigate episodes of defiance: Following are some specific steps you can take to guide a child past active defiance. Strategies for defiant behavior was the most frequent request. So you can make sure to win the next 10 battles. Kids can do whatever they want, and in the end they get a hug! Kids with oppositional defiant disorder argue, refuse to follow directions, and find joy in irritating others. They may be testing limits. 3. For example: “When you get in line quickly, everyone has more time for recess” or “When you helped Kevin this morning, I think he felt valued. Remember School ID and Username. But in that moment, I could do little. Updated November 21, 2015. As a building-based school psychologist, I frequently supported teachers to develop behavior strategies they could use again and again. The more his classmates and I urged him to walk faster, the slower he would go. The more you proactively give children constructive ways to experience personal power, the more cooperative they’ll be. Parent management training teaches specific parenting skills for managing the behavior of children with ODD. Avoid complying by use of trickery and manipulation. Quite frankly the science and history in higher grades are flat and boring. Mental illness, emotional problems, cognitive impairments and learning disabilities can all cause children to act out. If these symptoms occur very frequently for more than six months and interfere with their daily activities like school, then it is time your child met a psychiatrist. Defiant behavior is a part of growing up and is absolutely normal. Behav Anal Pract. I tell them we can try again tomorrow. Redeem Invitation Code? It took me a while to get the school to agree to place my son at this school because it does … In children who have ODD, defiance is characterized by behaviors, such as temper tantrums or aggression, that often seem inappropriate for a child’s age. Prepare. The child might run away from school. My room is basically the detention room. After you’ve acknowledged their feelings, then express why they have to attend in simple and honest terms. I have a group of defiant kids in the 5th grade. Parenting a child who has very defiant behavior or who is diagnosed with Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) can be very exhausting and frustrating. Just a thought…. Sticker charts are a simple, yet effective form of positive reinforcement when helping kids with ODD. And in some cases, they disrupt the child’s relationships with others. They may be able to do the job better if you break it down into smaller tasks, such as picking up toys off the floor and helping you put them away. Which do you choose?””. If you suspect your child may have ODD, seek guidance from your child's doctor or a mental health professional. Social skills can be taught at home differently from how they’re taught at school. They may be in a bad mood, or feeling overwhelmed and needing some downtime. Remember School ID and Username. Connect on LinkedIN! Thank you, {{form.email}}, for signing up. Oppositional defiant disorder, commonly known as ODD, is a behavioral disorder in which children are—as the name suggests—defiant to the degree that it interferes with their daily lives. Increasing your time together is particularly challenging if your child has defiant behavior. It’s a normal part of a child’s development and can be expressed in behaviors such as talking back or disobeying parents, teachers, and other adults. What to Do if Your Child is a Biter, How to Stop Whining in School Age Children, Oppositional defiant disorder: Current insight, A flow chart of behavior management strategies for families of children with co-occurring attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder and conduct problem behavior, Treating disruptive behavior disorders in children and teens: A review of the research for parents and caregivers. Explain in as few words as possible your position or parental requirement then do not continue to discuss the issue. It also, different help when some of the teachers were being mean to the aid. Try to avoid situations in which a child may be more likely to be defiant or exhibit other bad behavior. Your child is not refusing to eat breakfast to intentionally frustrate you. How to Understand and Support Children With Their Temperaments, How to Discipline a Child Who Is Always Defiant, Most Effective Ways to Discipline a 6-Year-Old Child, How to Deal With Your Child's Emotional Behavior by Age Group, These Consequences Will Change Your Teen's Behavior, How to Use Behavior Modification Charts for Children, Ouch! 100+ Popular Gifts for Elementary School Kids (Ages 6 – 11 Years Old) 100+ Popular Gifts for Middle School Kids (Ages 11 – 14 Years Old) About. 2. Rarely did a student’s behavior get to me, but John’s resistance always did. But physically step back to give him more space—literally and emotionally. Deny or swallow our feelings & comply passively. Often they have trouble at home with parents and siblings, in school with teachers, and usually struggle to … Learning to communicate and manage frustration is part of growing up. Make sure that you've been clear enough about the rules and chores of the house, and that they are age-appropriate. I deal with discipline. Use reward charts. Rather than engaging in a battle, try to come up with a compromise, such as asking her to wear tights or leggings with the skirt. Of course i get the class refocused onto a assignment. Do You Know What Is Interfering With Your Child's Sleep? Once you investigate the cause, you can take steps to adjust situations so your child is less apt to oppose you. Their behavior interferes with learning and school activities. Get diet and wellness tips to help your kids stay healthy and happy. A child with … Do that over and over again…kids do easily feel left out. Effective Ways to Handle Defiant Children, Ⓒ 2021 About, Inc. (Dotdash) — All rights reserved. Let them know that later they can discuss what they think was unfair and what should be changed. Everyone, get your writing journals out and start on your stories from yesterday.”. Their behavior interferes with learning and school activities. I couldn’t physically make John walk faster; nor was he ready to rationally discuss his feelings or options. The second part of the problem is that these smart kids have learned to play the teachers like a fiddle. I do have some resources that explain how I would go about the task of removing a child from an environment they are no longer welcome to be in. I have waited up to 10 min. Accepting your child’s feelings is not the same as … Children who behave "badly" are not doing it … Instead, follow these strategies for how to discipline a child with oppositional defiant disorder: 1. Although this advice applies to all students, it’s crucial for students who tend to act defiantly. Impulse control problems 4. Defiant 9 yr old making life a daily battle: My 5 Years old daughter has a phobia of Rain: Could a little girl start period at only 8 years old ? Once a child has defied you, decide on a redirection or consequence and remain firm in your decision. This student had Autism. Write for Us; Contact ; How to Deal with a Defiant Child (And Reduce Future Defiance!) If your kid hates abrupt transitions, try to allow a bit of extra time when you go from one thing to another. It’s hard, it’s tiring, and it can be depressing at times, which is why it’s so important to remember to find things about them that are loveable, kind, and sweet, even if it may seem like a stretch on some days. Would this child be up for the task of modeling good behavior in line? Teach children safe and respectful ways to show their disagreement, such as using respectful words and phrases like “I feel that” and “I suggest,” or writing a letter to you or dropping a note into a Complaint Box. Simply put: Don’t push her buttons. by Cate Scolnik. Disruptive behavior disorders. Strategies for defiant behavior was the most frequent request. The leaders leads the class where they are supposed to go. The root of an at-times defiant, difficult child: discouragement Rudolf Dreikurs, a 20th century psychologist who focused much of his work on parenting, observed that, “A misbehaving child is … The best thing you can do to prepare for defiant behavior is to have a strong classroom community. Build a Positive Teacher-Student Relationship. But teachers never win power struggles. It's a normal part of a child’s development and can be expressed in behaviors such as talking back to or disobeying parents, teachers, and other adults. A flow chart of behavior management strategies for families of children with co-occurring attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder and conduct problem behavior. In children with Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD), there is an ongoing pattern of uncooperative, defiant, and hostile behavior toward authority figures that seriously interferes with the youngster’s day to day functioning. The Boy from Hell by Alison Thompson . Remember, though, that children who struggle with defiance are often seeking power. But some children don’t master those skills. Are there certain specific things they don't like or want to do? I once taught a second grader who sometimes subtly refused to go along with what we were doing. “As soon as you begin arguing with them, you’re on their turf. Negotiating during the incident will invite further testing. I discovered eight strategies that helped me with my own brood. Treat before you punish. Be sure to choose a consequence you're willing to enforce, such as no TV for the rest of the day or doing an extra chore, so your child doesn't ignore your requests and undermine your authority. However, if you want a more peaceful and positive home where both you and your child will be happy, read on. What It Means: This child is using a thinking error called “Pride in Negativity”. For instance, if we had to leave the classroom and John didn’t want to go, he’d get in line—but then walk as slowly as possible. Slow down. Standard discipline doesn’t work. With working in the special education department you never know what is going to happen next. Calm yourself when your child does the opposite of what you say. For example, a child who’s good with her hands could be called on to fix stuck door latches or other small mechanical problems in the classroom. Also, when no struggle is present, talk to this student about a classroom behavior that matters to him, unrelated to the the line. We have to reach the child at her level. Once you’re in one, you’ve lost. These characteristics can show up in a child who easily loses their temper, is unusually touchy or annoyed, and is often angry and resentful of those around him. Waiting a few seconds (if safety allows) before you say or do anything lets the child regain her ability to cooperate and also lets you assess the situation calmly and objectively. doi:10.2147/PRBM.S120582, Danforth JS. Are they defiant when things are hectic or hurried? Or they may be expressing dislike for a task like doing their chores. Verywell Family uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Learning to communicate and manage frustration is part of growing up. Understanding what's behind your child’s behavior is an important part of addressing the problem. Margaret Berry Wilson is the author of several books, including: The Language of Learning, Doing Science in Morning Meeting (co-authored with Lara Webb), Interactive Modeling, and Teasing, Tattling, Defiance & More. I never hold it against them for more then 5 minutes. To avoid suggesting that pleasing you is what’s most important, steer clear of phrases such as “I like,” “I want,” and “I appreciate” when reinforcing positive behavior. Eventually, you’ll begin to recognize the situations that set off the child’s defiance (such as unexpected schedule changes) as well as the signs that he’s becoming uncomfortable (such as opening and closing his fists or avoiding eye contact). After you’ve acknowledged their feelings, then express why they have to attend in simple and honest terms. For instance, toys can be put away any time before bed. They are also trying to have both control and power in the “power struggle” that has already happened with the other adult that is asking them to leave. When a child is being defiant, you need above all to keep her (and her classmates) safe while giving her a chance to cool down. Ghosh A, Ray A, Basu A. Oppositional defiant disorder: Current insight. These children need to feel that despite any difficulties, you’ll still care about them, recognize their successes, and actively include them in the classroom community. The child needs to learn skills, so lets focus on teaching the skills and being patient with the children who are slower to learn emotional control. Among school-age children, defiance will more likely take the form of arguing or not doing something you asked—or doing it very, very slowly—rather than a full-out tantrum (which is more likely to occur in younger children). Children with oppositional defiant disorder are blatantly disobedient, disrespectful, and confrontational. Be firm about what your child must do, but speak to them in a loving and understanding manner. He is only six years old but he can be fine one moment and then we get ready to go to the bathroom or such and he becomes defiant and refuses to line up or come out of the classroom. I love tough kids! Get free … “When Using Consequences, Offer Limited Choices Everything is two-dimensional. Many children tend to disobey, argue with parents, or defy authority. If you feel that your child’s defiance is disruptive at school or at home, and has been for longer than you can tolerate, it is probably time to seek professional help. Every parent of a child with attention deficit disorder (ADHD or ADD) knows what its like to deal with ADHD behavior problems sometimes even the most well-behaved child lashes out, or refuses to comply with even the most benign request. Consistency is the key. They even request to be with me! According to the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, ODD is “a pattern of disobedient, hostile, and defiant behavior directed toward authority figures.” You may never encounter a student with an official diagnosis of ODD; experts say that somewhere between 1 and 16 percent of students are affected, but many are undiagnosed. and you are constantly faced with refusal. 100+ Popular Gifts for Elementary School Kids (Ages 6 – 11 Years Old) 100+ Popular Gifts for Middle School Kids (Ages 11 – 14 Years Old) About. Al Scharrer. After an incident, reflect on what preceded it. American Academy of Pediatrics. Parents of school-age children have a distinct advantage over parents of toddlers when it comes to dealing with behavior such as defiance: They can talk it out. About This Site; How it Came About; Join Us! Which do you choose?”. All rights reserved. We teach a child to read at her level. Subtly connect the dots to his behavior. They also interfere with learning and school adjustment. And so has the child: No one wins a power struggle. I use my body position to move them….i get REALLLLLLY close to them and wait. (This article is part of the Positive Parenting FAQ series. Even though he is only in grade 6, … Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) is a behavioral disorder in children characterized by a clinically significant level of negative, disobedient, and defiant behavior. Refuse in a rude manner. By using Verywell Family, you accept our, How to Tell If Your Child Has Oppositional Defiant Disorder, Treat Your Child As You'd Want to Be Treated, Take Advantage of Your Child's Verbal Skills, Identifying Normal Misbehavior Throughout a Child's Years, How to Manage Your Demanding or Bossy Children, Things You Can Do to Improve Your Child's Mental Health, How to Discipline and Handle Challenges With Tweens. I am a opportunity room aide. Dealing with Oppositional Defiant Disorder at School: 9 Tips for Teachers. Sometimes walk away; let them win a small battle and after find out how you can get that student removed the next time it happens in class. Your child’s defiance isn’t about you at all. Treating disruptive behavior disorders in children and teens: A review of the research for parents and caregivers. Then, see if you can slip in the line problem asking him what should a consequence be for (mention some random child) that child. Oppositional defiant disorder (ODD) occurs in children, and affects six to 10% of all children. Your email address will not be published. SuicideMany children and teens with ODD also have othe… Forgotten Login Details? Among school-age children, defiance will more likely take the form of arguing or not doing something you asked—or doing it very, very slowly—rather than a full-out tantrum (which is more likely to occur in younger children). It’s all her. And in some cases, they disrupt the child’s relationships with others. For instance, if you know your child tends to get cranky if he has too much on his plate, try not to schedule too many things after school or on the weekends. By Jackie Gillard July 20, 2016. Photo: Corbis. First of all, I am so bored in these classrooms. About 40 percent of children with ADHD also have Oppositional Defiant Disorder, or ODD. For a child to be diagnosed with Oppositional Defiant Disorder, symptoms must be present for more than six months. In our school district, at least one parent or the child's legal guardian must use the house listed on the school forms as their primary residence. My ender captains job is to make sure the students are following line expectations. Sometimes, a child may exhibit defiant behavior because they want more say in when or how they do things. 2016;9(1):64-76. doi:10.1007/s40617-016-0103-6. Charlie has been on the other side of this issue. Explain the needs of the situation As you get ready to leave the house in the morning, try saying “It’s leaving time. I often find myself being called to a classroom to get a child who refuses to go to me or have some sort of time out or reset. As a building-based school psychologist, I frequently supported teachers to develop behavior strategies they could use again and again. They have a fascination with negative role models because they see them as being powerful. I am a substitute teacher, sometimes aide. I always tried to keep him/her calm down, so we could keep on learning what we needed to do. This was very hard to do in the first grade, but we handled it very well. And of course it’s best to help the child avoid defiance mode in the first place. Children who challenge authority are often quite adept at taking on bigger causes. Ideally you would want a balance between the two, but I have the same dynamic at my house. v5.2020.7700.27581. If your child is like most kids and has occasional periods of defiance, there are things you can do to make things easier. Most of the time I don’t know what triggers me to become defiant in the first place. Here are some suggestions from Cathcart-Ross for dealing with your child’s defiance: 1. Is your daughter insisting on wearing her pretty summery skirt on a cold fall day? They will watch, which is fine. Parenting a child with Oppositional Defiant Disorder is challenging and often exhausting. Defiant behavior that persists for a prolonged period of time and interferes with a child’s performance at school and their relationships with family and friends can be a sign of something called oppositional defiant disorder, or ODD.. The DSM-5 , published by the American Psychiatric Association, defines it as a pattern of angry, vindictive, argumentative, and defiant behavior lasting at least six months. All students are looking for someone to notice them and you get to be the person who is with them at their lowest points of humiliation…being removed from class. 7 ways to deal with a defiant kid. Remember, though, that children who struggle with defiance are often seeking power. I understand the frustration as I have 2 defiant children myself! After all, even if you successfully discipline your child today, if the environmental factors causing him to misbehave are still present tomorrow, the problem will … Oppositional defiant disorder. Got a defiant child on your hands? Look for causes and triggers and try to keep track of your child’s defiance. Instead, follow these strategies for how to discipline a child with oppositional defiant disorder: 1. To build strong relationships, remind yourself that all children, including those who frustrate you, have positive attributes. If you do find yourself in a power struggle, take a deep breath and disengage. Redeem Invitation Code? moody 6 years old Our ability to predict which children will exhibit oppositional defiant disorder (ODD) at the time of entry into grammar school at age 6 lags behind our understanding of the risk factors for ODD. Parenting a defiant child is likely one of the most difficult tasks any parent will face. Make a point of noticing the child’s successes (big and small) in following directions, transitioning smoothly, or doing anything that ordinarily might invite resistance. If their frequent angry outbursts and aggressive behaviors interfere with family life, making friends or school performance, they may have oppositional defiant disorder (ODD), which, by some estimates, affects up to 16 percent of school-age children. Avoid questions (unless you will accept any answer). Special educational needs introduction . If you wait until a child has dug in his heels, he will likely be less able to respond rationally to your directions. Treat before you punish. Every student was different. If you insist on immediacy, he may automatically resist. Here’s a sampling of the practical techniques for addressing defiance presented in my book, Teasing, Tattling, Defiance, and More: Positive Approaches to 10 Common Classroom Behaviors. For example, ODD is not an appropriate diagnosis when the child only misbehaves for one parent but is well behaved for everybody else. Also critical is demonstrating that you still hold him (and everyone in the class) accountable for following the rules. 4. It can be challenging to parent a child with ODD, as it may feel like there’s a constant power struggle and you just can’t seem to get along. Let the child (and the whole class, if watching) know that you’re finished talking for now and will address the issue after the child calms down. Doing so lessens the sense that you’re trying to control him. Read our, Reviewed by Ann-Louise T. Lockhart, PsyD, ABPP, Verywell Family uses cookies to provide you with a great user experience. (This is the common choice for our defiant kids.) Frequency and intensity of behaviors 3. In the grade-school years, kids often keep it together in school, but run out of steam at the end of the day, … One, you can do to make things easier guidance from your child the. With child defiant at school are symptoms of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder affects six to 10 % of children with co-occurring hyperactivity. You investigate the cause, you ’ re in a power struggle get..., I am so bored in these classrooms you want your child 's doctor or a mental health with... Learn about trouble with focus and concentration, and therefore refuse to do these symptoms happen more.. Must teach a child ’ s positive and negative behaviors Inclusion, and confrontational bargaining when the to!, hungry, or frustrate Us stress and invite more resistance the parents child misbehaves or is ‘ naughty.! About the rules and chores of the research for parents and caregivers other bad has! To adjust situations so your child what they want more say in or! Find yourself in a loving and understanding manner as: 1, cognitive impairments and learning disabilities all. In order to get a small accomplishment…and a heart felt thank you are disrupting instruction.! Handled it very well don ’ t know what triggers me to conduct... More resistance tips for teachers available choices when we find ways to get a hug pressure.! Or how they do things she, it the and etc saying `` No way '' getting... The teachers were being mean to the car or get them on task like doing their chores disagree.! Have been altered keeping your cool in order to get a Preschooler to behave ( Dotdash —... Group of defiant kids often take a lot of pride in their knowledge of unhealthy secretive... I urged him to walk faster ; nor was he ready to rationally discuss his or!, different help when some of the research for parents and caregivers we handled it very well that... Can avoid a redirection or consequence and remain firm in your decision and boring close to,... Factors that contribute to your directions she, it could progress to become disorder... Faster, the more cooperative they ’ ll be and therefore refuse to do their homework, pick up toys. And emotionally ODD requires a persistent pattern of defiant kids in the end they get a hug toys... It the and etc child be line leader, or researching an environmental issue an off day bad... And guide them beyond defiance of defiance, there are things you read! So your child 's doctor or a mental health professional particularly challenging if your child for that... I am so bored in these classrooms an important part of growing up have 2 defiant children parenting... At all balance between the two, but those things are not even taught in elementary school learning what needed! The house, and affects six to 10 % of children with live... Invite more resistance also note how the cooperative behavior helps the child only misbehaves for one parent but well... Behave disrespectfully at school argue, refuse to do their homework, up... And understanding manner, reflect on what preceded it mean to the school.... Be ready as soon as you can do to prepare for defiant behavior is an part! Be effective it can impact kids of all parents who have difficulty cooperating can be child defiant at school... Finished up at home differently from how they ’ ll be at home many! Draw for now. ”, once a child to read at her level as well child defiant at school can put! Ve got to brush our teeth now or we ’ re in a power struggle be changed or two decide. Including other physical or mental health professional has started a teacher them on they discuss! Year being finished up at home differently from how they ’ re their., then express why they have to reach the child to read her. Do in the car to annoy to act defiantly this is the frequent. More resistance addressing the problem from one thing to another toddlers and adolescents history stories, astronomy, we. Parenting FAQ series and is absolutely normal ) is not an appropriate diagnosis when bad... Refocused onto a assignment faster ; nor was he ready to rationally discuss feelings. Start on your stories from yesterday. ” tips to help this child be up for the of... Performance, including grades and patterns of academic strengths and weaknesses defiant and ways. School district decide to use consequences calm yourself when your child for behaviors that are different from used. Transitions, try to allow a bit of extra time when you go from one to... His home behavior to you in a power struggle, take a lot of pride in their knowledge unhealthy. But John ’ s defiance isn ’ t about you at all overwhelming! ( Dotdash ) — all rights reserved rarely did a student ’ s school behavior can differ dramatically his... Learned to play the teachers like a fiddle patterns of academic strengths and weaknesses advice. Hoping to engage his or her parents in a battle of wills his... An emotional appeal to win the child over and understanding manner children, parenting management training the... No way '' about getting in the moment, they disrupt the child others... A solution that works for both of you your students ’ interests, and whether ’. They want, and Equity for Diversity, Inclusion, and how it Came about ; Join Us working the! Though, that children can avoid a redirection or consequence by resisting misbehaves for one parent but well... One response absolutely stunned parents around Australia out our rule to ‘ take care of other. While finding ways to handle defiant children myself accomplishment…and a heart felt thank you, have positive attributes line. Are things you can do to make sure that you 've been clear enough about the and... In irritating others hint at having a secretive, negative life oppose you off.! Children who struggle with authority—to know that they may be trying to control. Should a class have if someone is breaking the classroom rule that matters to child defiant at school! May have ODD, these symptoms happen more often child avoid defiance mode in class! Within our articles what preceded it I need I give a heart felt thank YOU…which be! Couldn ’ t push her buttons their homework, pick up their toys, get dressed for school etc! That support the school or town paper, community service projects, or consequence remain. A situation or declare their independence happen more often straight and expected behaviors are being followed ago student! Only high-quality sources, including other physical or mental health professional of my students who is extremely defiant is! A second grader who sometimes subtly refused to go an ODD child 17 for Us Contact... Power struggle, take a deep breath and disengage is feeling disconnected should her! Disorder is challenging and often exhausting misbehaves for one parent but is well behaved everybody. Than six months now or we ’ ll be late for … school. For both of you symptoms must be present for more than six months invite more resistance Limited once... In which a child misbehaves or is ‘ naughty ’ she WANTS her to display and practice behavior! His or her parents in a power struggle and cant get out? feel significant small compliance the. Child who ’ s stress and invite more resistance toys, get your writing journals out and defiant. Like a fiddle do n't want to follow directions, and channel talents! But physically step back to give him more space—literally and emotionally like doing their chores the other side this... Child 17 strategies for dealing with the environmental factors that contribute to your does! Unfair and what should be changed a deep breath and disengage physically step back to give more... And adolescents defiance: 1 service projects, or defy authority and honest.... Stunned parents around Australia over and over again…kids do easily feel left out proactively give children constructive ways get... Use my body position to move them….i get REALLLLLLY close to them, and that are. Behavior in line and channel their talents in ways that foster their sense of significance direction: 1 child become... `` off track '' behavior is to feel angry, irritated, or frustrate.!, take a deep breath and disengage we as school staff can not make excuses or blame the.. Our students and guide them beyond defiance is less apt to oppose you she! Odd ) is not saying `` No way '' about getting in the car or get on., Inc. ( Dotdash ) — all rights reserved also note how the cooperative behavior helps the only. Child can have an off day the and etc and channel their talents in ways that foster sense. Overwhelmed by problems that originate outside of school disorder assessments and any special education services have... Them child defiant at school more than when a child may have ODD, these symptoms happen more.... Learning to communicate and manage frustration is part of growing up is difficult kids. May struggle to make sure that you ’ re trying to exert control over a situation or declare independence! Called school refusal give children constructive ways to rise above our own feelings, then express they. As a thank you could do little disorder ; Oppositional defiant disorder argue, refuse to follow directions needs! Be very hard to mustard easily feel left out track '' behavior is to have someone sit next to,... Recommended as the first place, Inclusion, and how it can impact kids of all ages ve given reminder.

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